Mobile Telephones

I’m pretty behind on technology. Usually it’s my own fault. I definitely protested CD’s, DVD’s, microwaves, and cell phones in my rebellious teenage years. I thought I was so smart, rewinding my VHS tapes, heating up my ravioli on the stove, and other archaic things like that. I figured new technology was all a fad, and fads had broken my heart in the past. Case in point: furbies.

But I soon set aside my Matrix influenced paranoia of technology take-over and succumbed to the powers. My change of heart began when the stove got mad at me and set off the fire alarm; it was all microwaves after that (I still don’t stand in front of them though, I don’t want to be radiated). Little by little, the attraction to new technologies overcame me like waves, similar to ocean waves, sound waves, and amber waves of grain. And I finally gave in and bought myself a CD. To my credit, I didn't jump in head first. It was a Clash CD. I felt like it was a good segue to listen to late 70's music on 90's technology.

It wasn’t until the summer of 2009, however, that I finally got one of those cell phones with the camera, ring tones, video recording, and all those wonderful features. It’s like a virtual Swiss army knife except you access tools by pushing buttons. And I love pushing buttons almost as much as I love pushing envelopes. So I now think cell phones are pretty swell, so swell in fact that I suggest that we start calling them Swell Phones.

My favorite tool on my swell phone is the audio recording tool. And if these phones are like Swiss army knives, then the audio recording feature is like the corkscrew because it pops open bottles of bubbly for my ears.

But what do I record, you ask? Do I hold my phone to the radio speakers in order to get my fave new tunes for free? No. I buy my music like a good American consumer. You dirty pirates.

I record conversations. Now before you go lookin’ me up and down with wide condescending eyes, let me at least defend myself. I know that its not “conventional,” that its not “mainstream,” and that it could be considered borderline “invasion of privacy.” But there are many reasons why I may record a conversation, and I think they are all very legitimate reasons. So jump aboard my train as we head to the Justification Station. Choo-Choo!

If I am recording our conversation it is due to one or more of the following:

1. I’m a spy: a cross between Sherlock and Harriet
2. I’m doing social experiments: this is the closest I can get to being a real scientist
3. I’m planning on blackmailing you
4. I need new ring tones, and I think your speaking voice is lovely
5. I’m studying dialects
6. I think what you’re talking about is ridiculous and I’m planning on having one of my friends listen to it later: this is much easier than trying to re-enact the whole thing using finger quotes and finger parenthetical citations (I’m a big advocate of MLA)

So, now you’re warned. If you see me fiddling with my swell phone while you’re talking, I might be recording our conversation. You have to admit, though, at least it’s much better than me taking secret pictures of you and twittering them.